Tom Swifties

Tom Swifties are jokes that use a slightly different double meaning for an adverb. The only rule is that the adverbs end in "-ly".

"I think my leg is broken," declared the football player lamely.

"Your shirt is almost ready," the laundress said steamily.

"They need me to help put out a fire," pronounced the fireman gushingly.

"This building is slated for demolition," the workman yelled explosively.

"I'm building three new strip malls," the developer stated expansively.

"I am not a dummy," declared the young man lifelessly.

"Your the best daddy in the whole world," said the little boy sunnily.

"I'll have your light fixed in a jiffy," the electrician said brightly.

"Oops, I've fallen," said the dancer defeatedly.

"I think it's a hole in one," the golfer announced swingingly.

"I'm very thirsty," declared the customer dryly.

"It's a scorcher out there today," remarked the weatherman hotly.

Tom Swifties Submitted By Our Readers

"Must be time for the news!", said Tom attentively.

"Hi-Yo Silver", said the Lone Ranger hoarsely.

Submitted by Steve Durfee.
Age: Old enough not to reveal it to strangers! (but my gray hair gives a clue)

"Oops, I dropped my toothpaste," said Tom crestfallen.

Submitted by Walt Long.
Author: Old hippie wearing red hightop tennis shoes.

"I DEMAND A BIG Mac," said Tom Trucculently.

"Pass the pancake fixins," said Tom Surreptitiously.

"I've come to pay my room and board," said Tom weakly.

Submitted by Ralph Gray
Age: 60- Waterloo On Canada.

"There are no signs of penetration," revealed the coroner bluntly.

Submitted by Lisa Vollenweider

"I sure miss my girlfriend " said Tom, ruthlessly.

Submitted by Mike Looby

"Playing this British card game is so much fun," said Tom wistfully.

"I never thought I would have to take care of such a large litter of puppies," said Tom doggedly.

"Make hay while the sun shines," said Tom balefully.

"That swindler bought all my Picasso's at a fraction of their true value," said Tom artlessly.

Submitted by Stephen Cutts
Age: Old enough to know better

"Go to the back of the boat," Tom said sternly.

"I love camping out," Tom said intently.

Submitted by The Anderson Family

"Well, I suppose I can give up eating meat for a few weeks," Tom relented.

"You've got to read some of Hemingway's novels," Tom said earnestly.

"Star Wars is my favorite movie," Tom said forcefully.

"I slaughtered the chicken myself," Tom said pluckily.

"This darn bicycle wheel is ruined," Tom spoke tiredly.

"I wonder whether I should try the beef or the lamb," Tom ruminated.

"What I'd really like is a hot dog," Tom said frankly.

"This package is for you," Tom said presently.

"I forgot what I was supposed to buy at the grocery store," Tom said listlessly.

"My bypass operation was a failure," Tom said half-heartedly.

"I can't crack this code," Tom said remorsefully.

"We're in Kansas now," Tom stated flatly.

"And two plus two is four," Tom added.

"I don't think it's a spruce tree," Tom opined.

"That's the last cream-filled pastry I ever eat," Tom declared.

"I've removed the lungs, the stomach, the spleen, the kidneys, the pancreas, the heart and the intestines, so there's only one organ left," Tom delivered.

"The key to structural strength is lamination," Tom replied.

"My last goal has tied the game," Tom said evenly.

"I'm sick and tired of eating pineapple," Tom said dolefully.

"It's pure myth that a lower berth is preferable to an upper one," Tom debunked.

"I think I just swallowed some laundry detergent," Tom said cheerfully.

"It's stupid, it's wrong, it's immoral, and I don't like it," Tom iterated.

"That young woman leaves a lot to be desired," Tom said dismissively.

"I prefer mine on the rocks," Tom said icily.

"That there is the real McSomething-or-other," Tom said coyly.

"Now that I've had a chance to think about it, I'm not so sure that letting you people go is such a good idea," Tom deliberated.

"This item weighs exactly 1/16 of a pound," Tom announced.

"How you play the game is not really what counts," Tom said winsomely.

More Tom Swifties from the Anderson Family

"I don't eat mutton," Tom said sheepishly. - Author: anonymous

"This cave sure has an echo", Tom said repeatedly.

Submitted by Bob Baker,  Age: 56

"Oh darn, I guess I'll have to send that telegram again," said Tom remorsefully. 

Submitted by Flo Savery, Age: Over 65

"Why am I tapping on the shop window?  The lights are out, and everyone has gone home," said Tom through a glass, darkly.

Submitted by Stephen Cutts, Age: Old enough to know better

"I do like martinis," Tom said drily.

"My hair got cut!" Tom said distressfully.

"I have only clubs, diamonds, and spades," tom said heartlessly.

"This shirt is all torn up," Tom said raggedly.

"She didn't make the shot." Tom said dismissively

"The water's hot!" Tom said scaldingly.

Submitted by Ophelia Hanajima Age 14

Here is a very poetic Tom Swiftie that uses an adverbial phrase rather than the more common -ly adverb.

"Venture on, as vigor wanes?" ventured Tom, as on we went.

Submitted by Marq T Laube, 39

"##Id_String1.6844F930_1628_4223_B5CC_5BB94B879762## is on the server," he said languidly.

Submitted by Jon Stackpool, 39

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